During a long-distance drive, I stopped over at a service station to stretch, allow for much needed movement and I decided to get lost into cyber space where a virtual society exists, social media.
Browsing through, I came across a familiar face and a breath-taking background. I felt a 2 second feeling of wonder and awe, like wow! The beauty of pictures is the perspective it can show of the picture taker. A rectangle visual of a snapshot of their reality. Then that peaceful, in awe feeling got overtaken by thought, ‘’Well easy for some they have it all’. My feelings, envy, a spike of jealousy, drop in confidence and an entering into self-doubt. ‘’How can this person have it all and I can’t’’. The answer over here on this blog in reflection, well it’s a damn good thing I don’t have it ‘all’ because their ‘all’ is not my ‘all’. That lingering feeling of self-doubt, equating to low self everything, turned upside down internally and I got curious. It’s easy to look at stories and images, articles and literature, and think, you’re never going to be as good as that, you’ll never have that, or you’ll never get there. And you won’t because that’s not yours. It can certainly be mimicked and copied, but how does it become your own.
- First, come to a place of awareness of what it is you want. Realistically, ‘most’ of the ‘all’ is enough to bring contentment in the moment, the rest of the ‘all’ is motivation to strive for further.
- Next, look back at whatever it is, that’s making you feel this way. Look deeply at what is it about that, which brings this feeling. What part of this person’s story do you wish for in your life? Is it attainable? Can it be found or created? If not, does it require some emotional processing. For instance, a relationship that has ended, moved on or passed; not necessarily a romantic relationship, maybe friendships, peers, family members, pets; yet memories arise, and feelings are intensely raw, do they need attention? What’s stopping you? Is it finance, or responsibilities that stop you? Can there be a plan for when the stresses of now are not as great? Maybe some work around pacing yourself to stay present and fulfil what you are currently immersed in and consider conscious choices of what could follow for you.
- Next, make a plan and check it with your reality. Bring life to it in your fantasy world, where imagination can create anything. What would your life look like with that in your world? How would it feel for you? What would be different for you?
- Lastly, I think the key is to know that you’re not creating someone else’s version of reality in your life, your building your own. So often we think that the answer or happiness is out there, that person has it right, when only you can know your truth and your answers. I believe that someone who plays a crucial role in our lives; who we respected and are in awe of, their opinions, ideas, judgements; they can cloud our own thinking. Figuring out what your thoughts and feelings are, count. Society is mature/evolved enough to hold two different perceptions in total acceptance, or am I being naive?
I’ll paraphrase a letter in Carl Rogers, A Way of Being (a chapter long lost to memory), that becoming aware of positive/pleasurable feelings and the good life being experienced, isn’t going to make it go away. Becoming aware of uneasy, seemingly negative feelings, isn’t going to make them stay forever. The uneasy feelings give information, that something requires your attention, ready to be felt and ready for a change. The good feelings, I think, are your bodies way of letting you know you’re on the right track, creating love and passion for the things you do.
For me, looking back at that picture I noticed, it wasn’t the peek, the close contact with nature and the vastness of the sky, it was the look on their face. A glowing look of peace and ease, of happiness and comfort, in that moment, the look of life. It made me realise my very little immersion in self-care. Amazing how easy it is to forget life’s joys.
Reflect on what brings up uneasy feelings, and ask yourself what is it about that, which gets to you so. You never know, you may just have paved the way to your next goal.